Dr. Ramini has been a great resource for me lately. Her videos help me recognize and label the pain I am experiencing due to the negative social and political environment prominent in our modern world. In a recent video Dr. Ramini sums it up by saying that unhealthy people do things “to” people, not “for” people. The deep pain I personally feel is from watching unhealthy people doing things “to” others – deportation, dissolving financial safety nets, or taking away constitutional rights. Honestly, I do not know the best policies a government should have, but I know deep in my soul that treating others with malice or malicious disregard is unhealthy for everyone.
Recognizing and accepting inhumanity in people is a personal struggle for me. I like to find the positive in every situation and believe deeply that we are on earth to learn and grow. And yet, I see individuals who are acting no different than Nazi Germany, the Spanish Inquisition, and many other self-righteous attacks on “the other.” It pains me that as a people we have not learned. We are not growing.
In my despair over the human race, I found support and hope through my neighbor. After nearly 10 years in Mexico, I have finally “mastered” conversational Spanish thanks to the help and patience of Adriana. With this new skill, I am now able to have amazing conversations with my 91-year-old neighbor. “Mi Abuela” is a delightful woman who has seen and experienced so much. In her youth, she and her family left Spain during the Second World War to relocated to the safety of Mexico. Struggling as I am with the hate and fear of our current experience, I thought she would have some insight as she had experienced so much in her lifetime. I asked her how she manages to smile every day with everything going on. Her answer was simple. Respect.
Respect is Abuela’s version of doing for others. When we treat people, animals and the earth with respect, we will do for them. We offer them grace. We acknowledge them as sacred beings. We take a moment to consider how our actions will affect those around us now and in the future. And yet we do not neglect ourselves. We simply show others compassion, with boundaries.
Having respect for others is a selfish act because disrespect causes the aggressor pain as well. Aggression is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When I feel like doing something to another, it tightens my muscles, makes my stomach tense, and clouds my judgment. Even if I act upon this inclination, it never provides a sense of relief afterwards. That doesn’t mean we don’t stand up for ourselves, we just do it in service to the other. Here is an example.
Recently my mother’s financial advisor took an action without my mother’s understanding and consent. I could have done something to him – yelling at him or calling his supervisors. Instead, while resolving the issue for my mother, I also helped the advisor understand how his communication style was lacking. I helped him see how what he thought he was saying was not being received. In doing so, I not only took care of my mother, but I also hopefully helped the advisor grow.
As you go about your week, notice if you are doing for or to others. Are you able to release the urge to attack and instead move things forward for everyone? Imagine the world if we all started to do that.
